4 Tools to Let Go of Control Issues (Including Ones About Your Children)

Did you ever have one of those days when everything gets on your nerves?

Especially something your partner does or your child? And you just want to scream? You wish so much that you could control what's going on!!!

What if that actually has nothing to do with the other person? 

What if it is more about what is going on with you? Your stuff? Your internal battles? Your judgments about yourself? Your expectations of how other people should behave?

At the end of the day, we cannot control other people. We cannot control what situations are brought into our worlds. 

Yet, we can control how we choose to respond.


The one thing that you always have is choice. The ability to choose something different. If something isn't working for you, then choose something else. 

You don't have to make yourself wrong for making that choice in the first place.

Guess what? It's actually awesome to make a 'bad decision' because then you can have the awareness of how to choose differently next time.

I used to feel like a 'bad mom' when my daughter was throwing a fit at the store or would not treat someone how I thought they should be treated. I couldn't control it.

I could feel the judgments of other people and how they thought my child should act.

And then there was the judgment of myself - did I do something wrong? Am I bad parent? What is causing her to act like this? Why isn't she acting or doing what she 'should'?


Then guess what I realized? You cannot control anyone else. AND no matter what you choose in life, as a parent or otherwise, someone will always have a point of view about why it is wrong or bad. Or maybe why it is good or perfect.

Either way it sticks you, because it is a judgment. It has nothing to do with your actual awareness of what would work for you.

Trying to control things and make things go 'just right' doesn't leave you any room to know what else is possible.

It squashes your knowing of what choices and path would create the life that you desire.

We all have an inner wisdom and knowing of what works for us. And the cool thing is, we are so connected to our children that we can tap into their inner knowing of what works for them too.

However, we usually don't listen to that.  We often bury our intuition and instead listen to friends, books, parents, or 'experts'. 

I must admit, sometimes it feels easier to give our power over to someone else.

It can seem scary to know how amazing and potent and wise we really are. Because then we have to own up for the choices we've been making. 

But what if that's okay too? What if where you are right now is a great thing because it gives you the awareness of where you'd like to go and what you can change?

You can always choose to change things.

So what if instead of trying to control everything and everyone in your life, you could let it go? 

I know - easier said than done, right?

Well, here are some tools for LETTING THINGS GO with GREAT EASE:

1) Say to yourself or aloud - "All the projections, expectations, separations, judgments, and conclusions that I have about (a person/or thing), I destroy and uncreate them all".

2) You can also destroy and uncreate all the projections, expectations, separations, judgments and conclusions that a person has of you.

3) Ask, "What would it take to claim and own the ability to be out of control?"

4) For some extra umpff, you can add "POC and POD everything that doesn't allow that."

  • This is from the clearing statement from Access Consciousness. It's basically a way to clear all of the places that are keeping you stuck in a situation.  It's energetic, not logical, so it will make no sense to your brain. It's usually the things beneath the surface, and that are energetic, that keep us stuck. You can learn more at www.theclearingstatement.com

As with any tool, just play with what feels light or fun for you and see what changes. I don't have the answers. These are just ideas and tools to work with. Take them into your life and see what works for you.

When you let go of control and choose what works for you (instead of what everyone else thinks) you can start living the amazing life that you desire.

And it is usually far greater than anything you could imagine!

The happiest people, that have the most fun, and change the world, are the ones that choose their own path and choose what works for them.

Only you know.

So Let Go and Choose It!

It's a Naked Celebration! - How to Love Our Bodies

A few weeks ago, my 4 year old daughter and her friend were jumping on a trampoline in the gorgeous, but chilly, spring weather.

When all of the sudden, they ran inside, disappeared for a minute, and then came back out, completely nude, giggling and yelling "It's a naked celebration!".  

They jumped on the trampoline, shaking their little bums, laughing, and loving their bodies!

They were so joyful, so giddy, so carefree.

What can we learn from those amazing little girls? What would it take to love our bodies that much?  

I think we can begin by letting go of all of the places where we judge and critique ourselves and our bodies.  

How often have you looked in the mirror actually trying to find all of your new wrinkles, sags, or other 'imperfections'?  

In Japan, there is a concept called Wabi Sabi, which is basically based on the idea that it's actually the imperfections that create beauty. That the imperfections are more valuable than perfection itself.


Leonard Cohen expresses the same sentiment in his song "Anthem", "Ring the bells that still can ring; forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in." 

What if you could start to function from a place of total gratitude for your body, JUST AS IT IS? And be grateful for you may see as imperfections.

Imagine what you and your body could create from that space of gratitude?

Our bodies actually listen to us.  They have their own awareness and consciousness.

If you thank your body for how it supports you and for all of the amazing things it does for you, it responds by creating more health and ease.  

So a great practice to start is to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and tell your body how beautiful it is - just the way it is, without changing anything.  Say "Hi Beautiful!"

This is also a great thing for your children to see.  Imagine growing up with that kind of love for your body as a model! Imagine the confidence and joy your children can create about their bodies from that space.

So get naked and be proud!  Walk around your house a bit (or your bedroom) and thank your body for being so amazing.

Then, from that place, you can begin to ask questions:

Body, what weight and shape do you want to be?

Body, what do you want to eat today?

Body, would you like to be outside today? Would you like to move in some way?

I know this may sound strange...to talk to your body.  But what's the harm in trying?

Like so many things, it is one of the many tools that I have experimented with in my laboratory of life and have been amazed with the results!

So, I wanted to share this wacky perspective with you! And to remind you (as I was by my daughter) that we all came into the world as children who LOVED their bodies.

And next time you want to critique or judge some part of your or your body, just remember the greatness of you and how truly amazing and unique you are.

As Dr. Seuss says, "There is no one who is You-er than YOU!"

Love your body and be grateful for all that it contributes to your life and living. 

You are a gift to the world, just the way you are.  You are unique.  

You being you is the only thing that is required to create a life that is better than anything you could imagine. 

Here's another fun question to ask yourself, "What would it take for more of ME to show up in my life?"

Have fun experimenting with these tools and a new way of looking at your body.  

As always, see what works for you and what feels light, then follow your heart down your path.

PS - If you'd like to join me for a 1 part call - Conversations with Vagina - you can learn more and sign up here! The call is just $20 and on November 27th, 4:30PM EST.