I was absolutely, positively certain that I had no idea what it was. I couldn’t feel it, I couldn’t see it, and I didn’t know what in the world perceiving energy even meant!
When I started offering Access Bars sessions, I didn’t feel anything in my hands for at least 6 months. My whole life and my clients lives changed in the meantime, so I kept running bars, but again, I was certain that I didn’t have any capacity for energy.
I had spent my entire life always going to people who were amazing body and energy workers, yet thought that they had some gift that was elusive, hard to define, and something completely unavailable to me.
Fast forward one year to my first Energetic Synthesis of Being (ESB) class with Dr. Dain Heer. It was a requirement to become a Certified Facilitator for Access Consciousness. I had no idea what the class was, what we ‘did’ in class, or how you had a class where there was no manual. (Note - if you are any sort of a head tripper like me, this was something that did just not compute)
Yet despite all that, my whole body was buzzing for weeks before class. As class began, and people asked their...
Have you ever noticed that the two excuses no one can argue with are - ‘I don’t have time’ or ‘I don’t have the money’?
If you’ve used either of those before, you know what I’m talking about. They work. No time and no money are brilliant justifications for not doing and creating what you’d like to in your life. And they also seem like very real barriers that we can’t get past.
When I first looked at choosing a Foundation and Level 1 (the core classes after Access Bars that are now just called The Foundation), I thought - how the heck am I ever going to create the money or time for that? I'm not working, I'm a stay-at-home mom, and most of our family’s money is pretty much accounted for where it needs to go! I have 2 little kids, I don’t have a babysitter who could watch them for 4 whole days, and I’m in the middle of my training to become a yoga teacher which also is on the weekends.
Despite that being a very logical reason why I couldn’t possibly take the class, I kept asking questions and using the basic tools of Access. I also chose the class. I was having it no matter what it took and no matter what it looked like.
I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist, as all I could think about once I had a child was getting everything ‘right’. I used to get hysterical when my first born had to drink tap water or eat food that wasn’t organic. I thought I was doing her body permanent damage! When my second child was born via cesarean instead of a the ‘perfect’ home-birth that I had planned, I launched myself into several months of depression that even my go-to tools of yoga and mediation could not bring me out from under. I couldn’t even get nursing right. After breastfeeding both of my children well past 1 year, my body was consistently 10-15 pounds below my pre-baby weight. I know – not the typical complaint of a new mother, and still, it caused me to feel undesirable, boyish, and like sex was the furthest thing from my mind!